


Distant Shore

by starrylitme



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Island Mode (Dangan Ronpa), KamuKoma Week 2018, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Repressed Memories, Two Minds One Body, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 00:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15425349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: Komaeda starts to have strange, blissful dreams that leave him distressed. Especially when they start to affect his waking moments on Jabberwock. Isn't there someone important that he's forgotten?(Post-SDR2 Island Mode AU.)





	Distant Shore

**Author's Note:**

> "Magi when you stop writing aus where the simulation fucks with Komaeda"
> 
> NEVER. NOW TAKE ANOTHER ONE.
> 
> This one is slight KomaHina, but really it's just... KamuKoma. Very KamuKoma. Hence why it's for the KamuKoma Week. And not the KomaHina Week.
> 
> Another bittersweet fic...
> 
> Well, please enjoy~! And leave a comment, maybe? ;v;

It’s another calm morning, and he wakes to the smell of decay and the sight of skies stained with red despair. A smile twists at his lips as he stirs and stretches. He pushes himself up, fingers running idly at the spot that had gone cold. Yawning, he slips out of bed.

He’s pleasantly surprised that they stayed after all. And more than that...

“What a delicious smell! Are you cooking?” With a giggle, he latched onto that warm back. “Good morning!”

“Good morning.” The fish is sizzling, but that crimson gaze is cool as always, even as he playfully tugs at the other’s ponytail. “Food will be ready to serve in about 2.713 minutes. You slept in considerably, Nagito.”

“Because I was just so comfortable! Even with that cold stare, your body’s so warm!” He wrapped his arms around himself and the sensation couldn’t be more lacking in comparison. “Despite that harsh personality, you’re quite cuddly, aren’t you? Aha, I really am so blessed...!”

“If you shake so much, you will lose your balance. Go sit down, Nagito.”

“Mhm!”

He plops into his seat and soon enough, breakfast is served with the usual fish, soup, and sides in traditional style. Komaeda sends a prayer, and maybe, just maybe—he wishes for moments like this to last.

Even though that’s so foolish, isn’t it?

“Nagito.”

“Mm?” Komaeda blinks up at them, eyes sparkling and cheeks rosy. Those vividly red eyes bore into him, brilliant as red spider lilies. Or roses, perhaps.

Or freshly spilled blood, perhaps.

Such a hypnotizing color, those eyes. So very easily, he falls into a lull and, and—

“Nagito, you must stop this.”

* * *

Komaeda’s eyes snap open and, completely contrary to that cozy, warm dream, has instead woken up in a cold sweat.

“I-I...”

He couldn’t remember anything anymore. All he really feels now is such a keen sense of—of loss. Hollowness.

“... _what_...?”

Trembling as bad as he does, holding himself doesn’t do much, but it offers some level of comfort. Some. He grips his arms rightly, nails digging in. His breath hitches, and—

Usami’s morning announcement flickers on. Komaeda perked at that.

“...oh, right.”

He had chores today.

* * *

Lately, he had been having dreams.

Dreams he would largely forget and always feel so strange, so otherworldly, and yet—also so _familiar_.

He had been having them since he came to this island. Wasn’t that odd? Wasn’t that strange?

He hadn’t spoken to anyone about it. It’s really strange. Whenever he opened his mouth to mention them, even if only in passing, it was as though knots in his throat prevented further speech. So, he just—didn’t tell anyone.

Deep down, he didn’t really want anyone to know too much about the dreams. They just felt so— _intimate_. So much so that sharing details would be—inappropriate.

Or something like that.

He wasn’t quite sure.

* * *

Sometimes he was left with a bittersweet feeling of nostalgia that he couldn’t quite explain. Such times included now, when he was helping Koizumi and Hinata with the laundry. Such times could sometimes be overwhelming.

“Hey, Komaeda, do you see Saionji’s obi anywhere?”

He hadn’t answered, caught as he was in a reverie as he stared blankly at clean, silken sheets.

“Komaeda?”

_“Are you washing the sheets? We are to leave this location soon. You really do place too much value on cleanliness, Nagito.”_

_“Cleaning is still something I can do. It’s stress relief! You should know all about that, haha!”_

_“I do. But this is—boring. I can get it done more quickly and efficiently. So, let me.”_

_“Noooo! If you do everything for me, I’ll feel like a leech!”_

_“You are not a leech, Nagito—”_

“Ko _mae_ da!”

Komaeda jumped with a gasp.

“What’re you spacing out for?” Hinata asked. From how he’s pushing the hung-up sheets aside to stare at him, Komaeda’s distracted for the moment by shadows overcasting Hinata Hajime’s deepening frown and narrowing gaze. “Something up?”

It’s incredibly warm outside, but something prickles _cold_ on Komaeda’s skin.

It’s strange. In times like this, Hinata’s presence makes his chest clench, even though he should be happy that he’s being paid mind.

“I... I’m just distracted,” he says and then laughs with dulling ache. “Hinata-kun, you really are so kind, troubling a talented person like yourself over a nobody like me—”

_Ah? Why does that sound wrong?_

“Stop that.” Hinata’s face pinched. “It’s really nothing. But... You have been distracted quite a bit.” He shakes his head. “But I guess that’s understandable, considering this situation is still...weird.”

Hinata seemed to be thinking about other things.

Menial as he was, he had no right to inquire even as curiosity niggled at the fraying edges of his faulty brain.

_This expression, I’ve seen a remnant of it before—a **remnant**?_

...huh?

Huh, huh, huh, huh, _huh_?

“Anyway.”

Hinata cuts through his racing thoughts without missing a beat.

“Do you know where Saionji’s obi sash is?”

“...no, I don’t.”

“Then, I’ll look elsewhere. That’s all I meant to ask,” Hinata said, to which he nodded mutely and smiled apologetically for his uselessness. “See you.”

“Aha, I hope you find it soon,” he said. “Knowing Saionji-san, she’ll throw quite the fit if that remains lost. And Koizumi-san will really scold you.”

Hinata sighed at that.

“I’ll talk to you later. Hopefully.”

Komaeda laughs, waves, and then Hinata pulls away. The sheets billow and ruffle, and it’s as if he is once again isolated in his own little world.

_It’s better this way. For someone like me._

He knows that. He knows it, well.

And yet, his heart is aching. And it’s a familiar kind of dull ache.

_...why...?_

He just couldn’t begin to understand it.

* * *

The world outside is cold, cruel, and ridden with chaos and despair. And yet, in this person’s arms, he feels warm, secure, and—perhaps even _content_?

There aren’t any screams today. Instead, there are two beating hearts, steady breathing, and the meticulous strokes of long, elegant fingers through his wretched rat’s nest of hair. It doesn’t hurt like it would with anyone else, who would often get their fingers stuck on knots before proceeding to rake through. They’re so careful with him that he might just shatter in a moment’s notice.

In many ways, this feeling is more despairing than anything _she_ has ever managed.

~~(...She?)~~

“Stop thinking, Nagito.”

He does almost immediately, mind blanking before the careful touches lull him into a dazed state. His forehead is kissed.

It’s warm. Here, it’s safe. He feels—content? Or...does he actually feel happy?

That can’t be right.

Where’s the _hope_ in something like this?

~~(Hope...?)~~

And then, he’s held so closely and tightly that he could’ve been crushed in a moment’s notice.

“...%@ωヮ####=%ヮ#?”

“I apologize.”

Those arms loosen around him, and he can breathe again, but—his breath is still caught in his throat.

“I... Um...” Suddenly feeling sheepish, he ducks his head to bury his face in that warm chest. It calms him, a little, soaking up this proximity. How strange that is, how _strange_. “It... It’s okay... It’s okay... ###-”

**Error has occurred.**

Pause. _Restart_.

“Hey, um... I don’t really mind, you know. Because I... I actually...”

55% Complete.

“I actually...never want you to let me go.”

**System Restarting.**

* * *

He wakes up with a pounding headache and has to take medicine for it. He has pills on his bedside table for this very purpose. Keeping medication very close by is something he’s been used to for most of his life at this point, after all.

_In a situation like this... Migraines are understandable._

At least, that’s what he tells himself.

Truth be told, he feels very, very unnerved and unsettled, like the rug has been suddenly pulled out from under him while he was unsuspecting and none the wiser.

But there’s no point in dwelling over it, and it would be awful of him to burden anyone else with this information he doesn’t quite understand himself.

~~And he still doesn’t feel comfortable sharing it. Strange.~~

For now, he smacks his cheeks and tries to shove it to the recesses of his rotten mind. It doesn’t matter either way. He’ll forget with time.

_I should focus on finding something worth dying over._

* * *

Truth be told, when he first arrived to Jabberwock with the rest of the class, his immediate thought that he might just die here was an exciting one. Of course, Usami shot it down, but he laughed that off. He’d wait and see. In an abnormal situation like this, he couldn’t begin to _predict_ how things would go.

He would relax with the others for now, but the plot was bound to pick up soon. He just knew it.

And then, it never did. Everyone laughed together, everyone played together, and the days went by in a carefree and easy bliss.

And those dreams started.

_Those dreams, too, were moments of carefree and easy bliss. Whenever I thought too much, my mind was deterred. It’s the same here—and that uncomfortable feeling remains._

He really didn’t like it. It was troubling as it was irritating.

_My luck...hasn’t even hurt anyone. That’s because of Usami. Should I just relax, then? Aha, I sound like Hinata-kun at the beginning. If he knew, he’d make fun of me._

...Hinata. Hinata Hajime. The elite student whose talent was still unknown to him.

Right now, Hinata was laughing with such ease around Souda and Kuzuryuu in direct contrast to how he was before. Another happy face in a sea of them. All of them blossoming like the flowers all around.

Pekoyama and Koizumi were teaching their group how to make daisy chains, and several of the others were relaxing in the flower fields as well. Owari and Nidai were sparring, Tanaka was letting his hamsters frolic to Sonia’s delight. Nanami was offering a few flowers pulled up from their roots to a tearful Usami.

Komaeda stayed ducked by within the shade of the hibiscus bushes.

And briefly, he imagined—

_“It’s the sign of ultimate hope that these flowers are blooming despite the despair entrenched in their roots!” With a hum, he begins to pick them. “When hope triumphs over despair, I hope the entire world will burst into bloom. The corpses will make for beautiful cherry blossoms, at least.”_

_“Nagito.”_

_“Hmm?”_

_A flower is tucked into his hair, earning him to perk up as the other hummed._

_“Ah. It suits you.”_

_He beams at that._

_“You think so? That makes me happy to hear!”_

“Oi, Komaeda, what the hell are you even doing over there anyway?”

“A-Ah, huh?”

Immediately he jerks to his feet and awkwardly steps forward, rubbing at the nape of his neck with a sheepish laugh.

“I just don’t want to be in anyone’s way. You all seem to be having fun.”

“Yeah but you just hiding in a nearby bush is just weird, y’know?” Souda said, hands on his hips. “Makes it seem like you’re planning something!”

“G-Goodness, no.” Komaeda waved his hands helplessly. “I would never...”

Souda suddenly snorts at him, to his confusion.

“By the way, it looks like a flower got stuck in your hair, dude. Pffft.” He snickers. “You almost look like a girl.”

“Ah, is that so?” Komaeda asked cheerily. “Well, it happens, sometimes.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Kuzuryuu said. “Although I’d advise you to be careful around Mioda. If she sees you, she might just get the idea to shove in a whole garden.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, Kuzuryuu-kun!” he chirps.

But it’s then that he notices Hinata’s thoughtful expression. His smile twitches a bit, but he retains it all the same, tilting his head in slight confusion.

“It suits you,” Hinata said. “The flower, I mean.”

“...you think so?”

The words should’ve evoked warmth, but instead, they ran cold through his veins. All the same, Komaeda beams.

“That makes me happy to hear!”

**_...why does it feel like my heart is breaking?_ **

* * *

“I actually never want you to let me go.”

_But you did, didn’t you? Why?_

“Am I going to see you again?”

_That expression you wore back then—was sadder than words could convey. I wonder why?_

“Despite your harsh exterior, you’re actually quite...”

_Strange. You’re strange. So strange. Hey..._

“Oh, right, we haven’t introduced ourselves properly, have we?”

_Who were you?_

* * *

“Happy birthday!!”

Crimson eyes blink blankly at him, regarding him impassively with lips pulled into a straight line.

“Today is not my birthday.”

“Ah, it’s not?” Komaeda asks, embarrassed. “You said this was the day you first woke up, so I thought...”

“It would not be wholly accurate to call that day my birthday,” they said simply. “But you got me a gift. I have known for a while now... Why did you keep trying to keep it a secret?”

Komaeda flustered.

“That’s just...” His gaze averts, wobbly smile twitching. “Well, it’s tradition. I shouldn’t have bothered, I know—but I guess I got too excited.”

“Excited. Over a boring insignificant date.”

“It’s not insignificant,” Komaeda chastised them, puffing his cheeks out. “It’s your anniversary! You should know why such dates are celebrated!”

“I do, but there is no point to celebration in a world like this.”

“Such nihilism!” All the same, Komaeda shoves the present into their hands. “I won’t accept it! You should just accept your gift and be grateful! Both for my thoughtfulness and for your existence!”

“My existence is meaningless.”

Komaeda frowns deeply at them. With a sigh, they unwrap the present to reveal the contents that they already knew about. Without missing a beat, they use the gift to clip back their hair.

“Just as I thought!” Komaeda exclaimed cheerfully, clapping with delight. “It really does suit you! That was such a lucky find!”

Elegant fingertips run over the plastic shell and colorful beads atop decorating the hairclip.

“I suppose for you that I should find something similarly suitable.”

“Aha! You don’t have to! Compared to you, I’ll look even more unsightly than I already am.” Anxiously, Komaeda picks at his own hair, noting how it was growing out considerably.

They were staring at him quiet intensely, which really was as frightening as it was thrilling.

“You really don’t have to give me anything,” Komaeda found himself saying. “Just your presence is a gift, and I really do cherish your company.”

“...is that so?”

It was like he was being doubted. He didn’t like that. He disliked it so much that his smile fell.

“Of course it is,” he insisted. “I know I say many dubious things, but I’m absolutely sincere. I really do love...”

* * *

“...love...”

Golden sunlight filtered through the curtains. Komaeda found himself lying motionlessly in bed, head still buzzing.

“...love,” he repeats, musing to himself. “Love, love. Such a funny feeling. Someone like me feeling love and being loved in return.”

_They’re just dreams, aren’t they? They have to be._

He throws an arm over his eyes and takes a deep breath.

_And yet, thinking that doesn’t feel right._

It really didn’t make any sense. He wondered if it was the effect of Usami’s magic. Or, perhaps, the magic of Jabberwock itself.

_In the world of Wonderland, it was nothing more than a dream, wasn’t it...?_

If it were a dream than he shouldn’t be questioning this so much.

But.

_“Nagito.”_

**_But._ **

Komaeda pushed himself up, drawing his knees in.

He hears the rolling of ocean waves, remembers the smell of decay and dust, and then he remembers rocking along with the boat. And he remembers laughing because—

_“You seem to be enjoying yourself.”_

Komaeda stills.

_“Hey... Will I see you again? The thought of not seeing you again...makes me really sad.”_

_“I will still be with you, Nagito.”_

Komaeda blinks. Once. Twice.

“...liar.”

The word slipped out before he realized it, but before he could question it, his fingers were digging into his hair and pulling.

“Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar...!” He curled on himself and screamed. “You **_LIAR_**!!!”

He shivered, feeling his face heat, his eyes sting and he was so frustrated and couldn’t understand why not at all not at _all_ —

And then, there was a knock at his door.

“Oh coming!”

Komaeda answers the door with his usual grin.

“May I help you?”

“Komaeda... Hey.”

He perked up, blinking several times at Hinata standing there, rubbing uncertainly at his nape.

“Sorry, am I bothering you?”

“...Hinata-kun,” he said, wondering why the name still tasted so strange before widening his grin. “Of course not! Please, don’t ever feel that way! Someone like me would never be bothered by someone like you!”

You sure?” Hinata asked doubtfully. Komaeda nodded quickly, so Hinata shrugged and went on. “Anyway, I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out today. Uh, the library’s pretty empty today, so...”

“Oh, so kind! Your offer brings me to tears!”

_Although why is it that listening to your voice is so unnerving, Hinata-kun?_

“It’s nothing really,” Hinata said. “You shouldn’t vibrate so much. You’ll lose your balance.”

“Ehehehe!” Dizzily, Komaeda reached out and took Hinata’s offered hand to be tugged along, and—ah, _huh_?

_“So can we go somewhere today?” he asked cheerfully, taking their hand and squeezing. “I wanted to go to the library. There were still some books I wanted to pull out of the wreckage. Would that be safe?”_

_“Safe enough,” was the answer. “Is that where you wish to go?”_

_“Yep!” He beamed. “You don’t mind, do you? That wouldn’t be too boring?”_

_“It does not matter. If that is where you wish to go, then we shall go.”_

_“Your kindness really does bring me to tears, K—!”_

“Komaeda. Stop thinking.”

Komaeda immediately snapped out of his reverie, blinking wide doe eyes at Hinata. Hinata.

_Hinata-kun...right?_

“W... What was that?”

_Is that...really...right?_

“You seemed to be lost in your thoughts,” Hinata said, frowning. “That’s dangerous. You can go pretty overboard, y’know. So, uh, you shouldn’t think so much?”

_Right... Right._

“R-Right,” he agreed, smiling blankly. “Yes, that’s right. My apologies, Hinata-kun.”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to...” Hinata squeezed his hand. “Let’s...just get going.”

“Okay. Okay...” Komaeda perked up. “Is that really alright? You won’t get bored at the library, right? Sometimes you don’t look terribly interested in that place, aha...”

Hinata shrugged, tugging him along.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “You like that place.”

“I... Yes... I do.” Komaeda feels his face color as he laughs it off. “Thank you, Hinata-kun. Your kindness really could bring someone to tears.”

“You don’t need to go that far...”

“Ehehehe.”

_Huh... Huh._

* * *

Even though he decided to wait for him in the beginning, the truth was that Hinata Hajime was a presence that felt wrong. More so when Hinata couldn’t (and still didn’t) remember his talent.

That said, Komaeda had mixed feelings about being around him. He enjoyed it, of course! Hinata was so kind! He really wasn’t worthy!

_...but... I feel wanting... That’s ridiculous of me. What more could I want? This is so much more than I deserve. I know that. I know that, and yet..._

“Uh... Here.”

“Ah, huh?”

Hinata wasn’t meeting his gaze as he handed him an In-Vitro Rose. Komaeda took it silently, taking in the beauty of the flower as Hinata rubbed at his nape.

“That’s the kind of thing you like, right? So, I figured... You would probably enjoy having it more than me, uh... Don’t look too deeply into it...”

Komaeda blinked. Once. Twice.

_Those vividly red eyes bore into him, brilliant as red spider lilies. Or roses, perhaps. Or freshly spilled blood, perhaps._

He bit his lip.

“...hey... Hinata-kun...”

It was funny, how one little thing could tip him over the edge, after everything.

“What is this? What did I do?”

“Uh...” Hinata sucked in his breath. “What are you talking about? Komaeda, I...”

“I can’t remember, I can’t, but—but I did something horribly wrong, didn’t I...” Komaeda began to shake. “That’s why I’m being tormented. That’s why this keeps happening, that’s why he...you...lied...”

“Lied?” Hinata echoed.

“Lied,” Komaeda said. “Did you really think I would just forget everything?”

Hinata flinched, wide-eyed and startled.

“K... Komaeda...”

_Hinata-kun’s eyes are a warm hazel. They look like stop signs. But stop signs are supposed to be a brilliant red. Red. Red, red, red... Those eyes that haunt my dreams, they’re—_

“Who are you, really?” he asked, aggravated. “You’re not Hinata Hajime, you, you—you’re someone else. Someone _wrong_.”

The other doesn’t answer.

“You know...” Komaeda goes on. “Someone like me...isn’t loved or understood by others... I know that to be true. But that person still stayed with me, and I really, truly loved them for that.”

Still no answer.

“I don’t want to forget them,” he whispered. “I don’t... I just don’t...” He shook his head. “Is this for the sake of hope? Or despair? I just—I worry... I don’t want to leave that person alone...”

_Because we were...always together...always... Always, always, always... I never wanted him to let me go, but...!_

“B-But even if it’s for the sake of hope, I... I...” He’s hesitating. He’s hesitating so much and he just can’t understand why. “I... I don’t want...”

“...Komaeda Nagito.”

A sigh.

“Komaeda Nagito, you must stop this.”

Everything stops just as the tears were about to flow.

* * *

The program was going to have to be restart again. How troublesome.

He sighs, leaning next to the pod. Within it, Komaeda Nagito sleeps peacefully. For a moment, he remembers waking Komaeda Nagito up with a kiss, being greeted to a morning with that bright smile in response.

_“...Kamukura-kun?”_

_“It’s okay, Kamukura-kun.”_

_“Your kindness really does bring me to tears, Kamukura-kun!”_

_“Kamukura-kun!”_

...he, no, they shouldn’t think of such things. They had work to do. They have to wake Komaeda Nagito up, but Komaeda Nagito was proving to be especially resistant to their efforts.

**_“I don’t want to leave that person alone.”_ **

“By being so stubborn,” he said softly, overlooking the pod and sighing as he lays his cheek against it. “You’re leaving me alone, Nagito. If we are to spend time together, then those memories...”

He shook his head, and they got back to work.

With that, the program was restart.

* * *

“Hey... Will I see you again? The thought of not seeing you again...makes me really sad.”

“I will still be with you, Nagito.”

“But it won’t be you, right?” Komaeda pointed out, puffing out his cheeks and then going to seat himself beside Kamukura, leaning against him. “It will be your body, but it won’t be you. Are you really sure this is okay?”

He frowns up at him.

“I wouldn’t mind staying with you a while longer.”

“You cannot have the normal life you long for with someone like me,” Kamukura pointed out. “So is this not a better situation for you, Nagito?”

Komaeda huffed.

“I swear, Kamukura-kun, all that domestic bliss and you don’t understand love at all! How despairing! So unfortunate!”

Kamukura hummed softly.

“...I apologize, Nagito.”

“I won’t forget you. There’s no hope in just forgetting you,” Komaeda said, lowly and seriously. “Kamukura-kun, no matter what happens, I’m never going to just forget you.” A pause. “Not until I’ve forgotten everything else, at least. Because by that point, it won’t matter anymore.”

Kamukura was quiet, but Komaeda took his hand and squeezed.

“I promise... I’ll never, ever forget, even if we never see each other again. I’ll imprint these memories on my heart if I have to.”

“You really are so troublesome,” Kamukura said.

“It’s a part of being in love,” Komaeda replied cheerfully.


End file.
